Tears. Actual tears came out of my eyes. The was so much pain and yet it was so moving and beautiful I couldn't bring myself to care that I usually have a harder time with books filled with angst and suffering. Even the whole brother's-ex-lover thing wasn't as difficult for me to swallow. This was a long story and while I thought I would be skimming to get to the point of most passages, I was riveted. With the depth of the story's themes I was glad for all the words because without them, the grief, angst, pain, and healing wouldn't have had enough attention to grow to a climax and then to settle into something like peace.
Sometimes when brothers end up dating the same person (AT DIFFERENT TIMES) it can feel creepy and just wrong. In this situation it fully explores the guilt and confusion Chris feels over the situation. It felt believable and a lot easier to stomach the reality that Elliot was just a man in whom both brothers saw something special. The confessions and difficulties were hard to get through because they felt so real. I really, really wanted a dual POV with this one though I think that would have led the story down some darker, more painful paths and with the amount of agony already included, I don't think we would have come out of that dark tunnel without additional emotional scars.
We got so much detail in this story that Chris' emotional journey was all-encompassing and felt so complete. From the shocking revelations that tipped his world off its axis, to the emotional roller coaster they led him on, to the devastation and destruction of his family, and finally to the peace of letting go and moving forward, there was a lot to cover. Had this book been any shorter and it wouldn't have done that trek justice. It was a painful ride and while I was shocked that no one seemed to be on Chris' side except Ed, his godfather and mentor, it didn't shy away from everyone else's struggle with the secrets Cal left behind. I could appreciate that at the same time as being disappointed in certain characters.
With no shortage of torment, it was difficult to see just how everything would work out for Elliot and Chris, but when they got there, it was fitting. There was no magic cure, no saving moment, it wasn't even a fully healed ending either. It was real in that grief isn't linear and the path to finding peace among all the inner turmoil is never easy and doesn't always have a terminus. But love, true and abiding love, being willing to see one another through to the other side, that's what matters. Accepting yourself and your mistakes, making amends, and moving forward one step at a time gets the results. I was moved from the very start to the very end.
*$5.99 on Amazon!
Dr. Christopher Allen knows how to deal with death. He’s a psychiatrist who works with hospice patients and their families, helping them cope with grief and letting go. But Chris’s job doesn’t prepare him for the sudden death of his devil-may-care brother Cal.
At Cal’s funeral, Chris is completely thrown when he meets Elliot Rawlings, an artist Cal has been dating. Chris is hurt to discover that the brother he knew as straight was actually bisexual. Elliot is angry and resentful of having been kept hidden from Cal’s family.
After the funeral, a night of drinking at the bar with Cal’s friends leads to Chris and Elliot falling into bed together. The next morning, they’re overwhelmed by guilt and grief and agree to never speak of it again.
But Cal’s apartment needs to be packed up and Elliot reluctantly agrees to help Chris, as well as answer some questions about Cal’s life and their relationship. Despite their guilt and initial dislike for one another, they sort through the pieces of Cal’s life and begin to fall for each other.
Despite his best efforts to fix things, Chris’s family seems to be crumbling around him and he begins to question who he is and what his role with them is. As his feelings for Elliot grow, Chris must decide if they’re worth further damaging his fragile relationships with his friends and family.
Elliot’s rough upbringing has left him distrustful of getting close to anyone, much less another man who isn’t willing to acknowledge him in public. The odds seem stacked against Chris and Elliot, but if they can overcome them, they may be able to lay Cal’s ghost to rest, along with their own demons.
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At Cal’s funeral, Chris is completely thrown when he meets Elliot Rawlings, an artist Cal has been dating. Chris is hurt to discover that the brother he knew as straight was actually bisexual. Elliot is angry and resentful of having been kept hidden from Cal’s family.
After the funeral, a night of drinking at the bar with Cal’s friends leads to Chris and Elliot falling into bed together. The next morning, they’re overwhelmed by guilt and grief and agree to never speak of it again.
But Cal’s apartment needs to be packed up and Elliot reluctantly agrees to help Chris, as well as answer some questions about Cal’s life and their relationship. Despite their guilt and initial dislike for one another, they sort through the pieces of Cal’s life and begin to fall for each other.
Despite his best efforts to fix things, Chris’s family seems to be crumbling around him and he begins to question who he is and what his role with them is. As his feelings for Elliot grow, Chris must decide if they’re worth further damaging his fragile relationships with his friends and family.
Elliot’s rough upbringing has left him distrustful of getting close to anyone, much less another man who isn’t willing to acknowledge him in public. The odds seem stacked against Chris and Elliot, but if they can overcome them, they may be able to lay Cal’s ghost to rest, along with their own demons.
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