We Met in Death, K.A. Merikan

A dangerous encounter saves two lives rather than just one, but the act of conscience comes with mortal consequences.  Nathan and Robert are forced to run, to hide, to survive however they can as they try to find a way out of the mess they've both created and found themselves in.  Along the way they'll face deep parts of themselves that they've been blind to, have ignored, have denied for years.  They'll either survive or die, but the real question is whether they'll do it together.

Robert is troubled, to say the least.  He's frustrating, hurtful, and yet I ache for him.  To know who he is and then to deny it just to survive and keep scraps of what he's protecting is disheartening.  When I look at him I just see survival.  Not pretty survival, or even strong survival, just knee-jerk reactions to stay alive and provide for a family he distances himself from to protect.  I find so much about him that's redeemable and I think he really grows and finds his way back to the light by the end of the story.

I feel like I'm in the minority here in regards to preferring Robert over Nathan.  Yes, Robert is deeply closeted and hurtful to Nathan and others, but despite the "I can't be gay" thing (which is pretty understandable given his location, family's beliefs, and his professional restrictions and expectations), Nathan's behavior is deplorable on many, many more occasions.  Outing Robert, even unsuccessfully, because he's offended, knowing being gay can get them both killed regardless of Vogel's obsession, giving an impressionable young girl the idea to sleep with the guy bullying her because that's what he did, thinking nothing of spending someone else's money, getting Robert shot, exposing them over and over...I mean, I could go on but I think you get the idea, yeah?  With Nathan's reactions over and over I question what's so great about him aside from his looks.  There's a bit of caring and self-awareness that happens once they're with Robert's family, but even then those are flashes rather than an upward trend.  Most of how Nathan describes being gay and his identity comes down to sex rather than who he really is.  Being unable to express himself is and understandable frustration, I'm not faulting him for those feelings at all.  What I am faulting him for is his treatment of Robert, his constant need to throw gay sex in everyone's faces when ignorant, hurtful things are said, and his self-centered actions.  I'm not even won over by the end.

The overall story felt disjointed, unfocused, and way too long for what the point was.  Inconsistencies and content issues bothered me quite a lot and I wanted to skim so much of the story.  It's Robert's redemption, making amends, changing for the better, and eventual honesty that saves the story from being a 2 star book for me.  Lots of other people liked it, and that's totally great, so make of this what you will, but I went from being intrigued to disappointed very quickly.  Also?  The cover is unappealing.  With a lot of unrealized potential I'm hard-pressed to recommend this story as a good representation of the author's true abilities.

*$4.99 on Amazon