Squared Away: Out of Uniform Book 5, Annabeth Albert

Crushes are rarely a prelude to a great love.  When Isaiah sees Mark again after a mostly-absent six years he's absolutely sure that his crush has died.  The tragedy that's bringing them together this time will test both of their resolves to keep things civil enough for the children.  Mark isn't expecting Isaiah to stick around or be what he's promising to be.  All he can see is his own need to control the situation.  Isaiah and Mark both have their hangups about the other person and unless they can truly forge a partnership together, their grief and fear will ruin the best thing that could ever happen to them, each other.

Isaiah has come a long way.  He has finally found what gives him purpose.  He's struggling a bit regarding what could give him direction and fulfillment in his career, but when he takes up the mantle of guardian for his nieces and nephew he's more than willing to step up to the task.  Over the years he's been the go-to person when a caretaker is needed so he's got a good deal of experience.  The way he takes things in stride, doing his absolute best to care for the children despite his own heartache is commendable.  But it's his tenderness, his determination, his inner strength that really makes him shine.  Knowing who he is, that yes he enjoys partying, but knowing when to set those trivial pursuits aside for the greater love of the kids gives me the opportunity to see that he's growing up and getting his priorities straight, the ones that really matter.  It's tough to see how his father, and even Mark in the beginning, treat him because of his youthful behaviors.  He hadn't really needed to be different until now and he isn't the immature party/play boy everyone paints him as.  There are times when his patience with Mark runs thin because there's a lack of time under his belt, but overall he's a good man, a mature man, the kind of person that can see what's right, what's best, and move toward it.

Well, most of the time.  But the romantic heart that beats inside him has a whole other challenge to overcome.  That crush on Mark didn't die, it merely sat on the back burner until Mark came home.  He has fears and frustrations, same as anyone, and Mark's own difficulties just seem to make them worse.  Except when they finally get on the same page?  Straight swoon.  They are equally tender, sweet, understanding, and sexy together.  Isaiah's patience and willingness to let Mark set the pace frees Mark in ways he was never expecting.  He comes out of his shell and we can see his growth on every page.  Until he starts worrying about all the things in the outside world that he isn't ready to face.

Mark had never entertained the idea of a lasting partner, one that would accept him for everything his is, all that he can and can't do.  And then Isaiah not only opens the door, he busts it down quite spectacularly.  When Mark begins to embrace his own sexual discovery it's more tender and sweet than steamy and raunchy.  I loved this.  We get to see his heart so clearly and I'm more and more drawn to him with each gentle and loving thing he does for Isaiah.  It's just when he freezes up and lets his fear do the talking that we see the "one step forward, two steps back" dance that threatens to ruin it all.  He's not alone in the things being done to end the relationship before it can take root, no, but his hangups are in the driver's seat more often than not.  Yet it's his confession when he lays it all on the line that really moves me in this story.  While I have mixed feelings about his "option three" everything surrounding that and his heartfelt words that make the most difference.  Seeing him through Isaiah's eyes as he bonds with the children, cares for the baby, blurts all his feelings and fears out, and his tentative yet enthusiastic sensuality wins me over in the end.

This story had ups and downs and a ton of feels.  Both men had failings and yet they figured it out and found a way to rise above it all and not just make the best of the situation, but created a set of circumstances that allowed them to win and thrive.  The story fits so well with the rest of the series and each pairing gives us an additional foothold into the family of friends they're creating.

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