Addiction Pt. 1, Vivian Wood

This was intense. When I first read the title and synopsis I thought this book would be about the attraction and intensity of it that became like an addiction. It was actually much deeper than that; the depths of addiction itself and some of its forms brought to light are disturbing and very real. There's so much wrong with this story, but not the writing of it, the wrongness of what addiction can do. Within the pages are types of darkness that aren't so uncommon and are absolutely believable. It's both disturbing and intriguing. The cliffhanger...serious drop off there.

We have Harper who is more troubled than she appears. As a model we can probably guess what her weaknesses are, but how they manifest is something I know I've never experienced. I refuse to feel guilt and I love food more than I probably should, but I still never feel bad about enjoying and indulging in what tastes good. I also like to be at least a bit active, going on walks, going to the gym fairly regularly, those things appeal to me because I feel strongly about balance and health and happiness. To read about someone who knows a very different reality and sees herself only as being valuable if she's virtually skeletal, it's shocking to say the least. I hope so hard for her.  Especially with the job that she hesitates to give up when it's literally killing her.  She's finding some purpose and value in what she experiences with Sean and she needs the kind of control he uses over her. To what extent, however, isn't known because she hardly knows herself. Once she knows herself and can find what will truly give her freedom and expression. Until then, however, it's just trading one addiction for another.

The exact same situation is what Sean is suffering from. He's an alcoholic and also a Dom. He's not fully healthy in his mind yet, so while he can be honest with what he needs, how he goes about it isn't right. There's an entire element of education, transparency, and consent that's pretty much missing. He knows that Harper could fulfill all his needs as his submissive but he hasn't actually educated her about what it means for him, for her, and for them together. His knowledge of that world is vague and hasn't really been put into practice beyond expressing his own brand of kink at kink parties. Everything that he's doing to and with Harper feels awkward and speaks more to another addiction than of passion and growing a relationship. And all of it is a house of cards, though, with Ashton in a coma and everything revolving around that situation.

How these two will find their individual needs, an equilibrium together, and a way to love themselves and one another is yet to be seen. I'm anticipating the follow-up and am sure it will be just as much of an intensely difficult roller coaster as this one.